[I haven't written anything in a long time, and what I did write then just wasn't me, so lemme know what you think.]

It's been a while...
The muscles at my jaw/neck tighten up as my salivary glands anticipate bliss.
head tilted forward over the glasses to project that "I'm thirsty again" smile.
Dare I rush things to decimation while upon their stilts, the conscience men chant "kiss."

My subconscious lips tell me to get the neck, where the pulse quickens, as if to calm them down.
The rapid cadence of thoughts stream through my itinerary, with which I agree, "get her to the floor."
Could care less for more eyes upon us, we're condensed in one another's imaginations, forbidden to frown.
Hesitation's blasphemous to my existence, don't wanna be rude, but I won't waste time to shut the door.

We succumb to our own lust-candy, the new school ambiance, a "freaky" song.
Her being unintentionally irresistibly cute, in what she calls her favorite colored blouse.
and a healthy appetite tells me to 'peek at her thong.'
Thank God our privacy's being respected. Well, at least nobody's listening, in this house.

You are my architect, build me, mold me, sculpt me and don't forget to measure.
To a crush unsatisfied, to an enticing desire yet to be soothed to perfection.
Toast to an all-access pass to tactile, emotional, stimulation and pleasure.
Let me freak you with my mind, our warmths, and last of all, my er-um, direction.

"Don't Run."

You'd think I'd have something intelligent to say after having taken all of these long breaks in between updates, right? I can't really say much, because I hardly ever say much, even in person, as I'm told. I don't have much to say because I don't really have any thoughts on anything current, what people have been up to, etc. I know, it's like, I don't know how to be a friend, an acquaintance, a stranger, or what-have you. I don't call people on the phone, I don't write people messages, I hardly EVER talk to anyone on these messengers, what's wrong with me? Am I that much of a latchkey kid to where I can't even socialize with people that I once considered "friends?" What the hell is all of that about? I could have friends in Chicago, but I can't seem to meet anyone that I like, let alone can get along with in standard social settings. There's only random people with whom I can chit-chat, the others are just "glance across the room" acquaintances, most of whom are women. I don't know why the few of them look at me like that, in that "he's different" way. It's weird, I'm not that different from these other cats, but they talk to me like I am. Whatever, anyways...

I was thinking earlier today, about how people come to be themselves due to a mixture of experiences they've had as they've progressed through life. Then I came to the realization that every grown black man in my life has said this exact phrase to me, "You remind me of myself when I was your age." Why do they say that? I mean, does this mean I'm going to turn out like they are? Does this mean that being this fucked up is normal for people of my situation? The weird thing was that the men that have said this to me are in polar differences with one another with regards to family situation, occupation, and overall outlook on life. What the hell is that going to do for me? I still don't know what I want, or how I'm going to get it. Heh, good luck on that one, Brad. Anyways, my whole point is this, If my entire lifestyle, livelihood, and overall perspective is already headed towards a rather unstable destination, what the hell should, would, and could I do to fix it? Especially when the outcome is as unpredictable as what I'm going to have for breakfast tomorrow? Could be pop-tarts, could be a full-course breakfast.
All I know is, I don't want my shit coming straight out of the microwave(Although, I must admit, Cinnamon Brown Sugar Pop-Tarts are Jesus-esque in their own right).

Wow.

I love how I just found like five strands of hair in my drawz...the weird thing is, they're brown, blond, and black...and they're not of the African-American kinky-texture...
Someone's been raping me, apparently.

So, ridin' home from work was fun as usual. Saw this raw assed chick on the bus, rockin' one of those "I'mw earing this so the average guy thinks I'm married, but I'm really not" rings. She was cute. Anyways, There was this man...nothing strange right? I saw this same man riding a bike....nothing strange, right? I saw the same man riding a bike holding a big coffee mug...still nothing TOO strange, right? TELL ME WHY HE WAS CARRYING A MEDICALLY ISSUED CANE!!! He had one of those silver four-pronged canes! He was dirty as all fuck, he looked like he had on a shit-and-grease stained hoody. He looked like he grabbe dthe hoody from the store and looked at it and said..."Oh, this won't do. Not until I coat it in shit and roll around in chicken grease for five minutes. Then, it'll be a keeper!" Muffuckin' street hustlas, man, I tell ya, they've got their new school gimmicks, but I'm not fallin' for 'em!

Yes, I participate in the monkey-see, monkey-do campaign.
Rainbow

RED-ANGER

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
Yes. I know who I am.

2. Which of your family members has the worst temper?
Me.

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
Nope.

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
Look at my profile picture and tell me if that's possible.

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
Yelling...? Um, I tend to do a lot of that. Staring, no, I can't really say what I'm staring at cause I can hardly remember seeing anything when I flip out.


ORANGE - EXCITEMENT

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for YOU?
Yes.

2. Are you easily excited?
If it involves my neck, rofl.

3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about?
May 4th?

4. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?
Who's got the biggest booty, and will they grind it on me?

5. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
A bottle of Jack Daniel's and a bj chaser.


YELLOW - SELF DISCOVERY

1. Name: Brad

2. When were you born?: 5.4.85

3. What's your main goal in life?:
Get money.

4. Do you want to have children?
Doubtful.

5. How do you want to die?
Bleeding to death on top of the mound of other people that knew I was going to die before I knew I was going die, victorious.

GREEN - OPINIONS

2. Gay Marriage?
Let 'em marry, I don't give a fuck.

3. Lower the Drinking age?
No, I don't wanna get a rape charge.

4. Capital Punishment?
Yes, states that allow conceal/carry laws should institute public executions. They deter crime, people! If you don't wanna see it, turn off the TV or go home.

5. Abortion?
Yes.

PURPLE - LOVE

1. Do you love someone?
A few.

What happened to questions ..2 and ..3?! I'm blaming Meg on this one.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
No, cause I'm usually not looking at their faces. I'm a dog now, I've taken two steps back from my usual "good guy" stance on relationships and women.



Q&A
Q: How many beds did you lie in yesterday?
A: None, I have a futon.

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: Tangerine. Fucking Starbucks.

Q: Name one thing that you do everyday?
A: Dance in the shower.

Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
A: $35

Q: Is Tom on your friends list?
A: Shut up before I backhand you.

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
A: A row of computers, desks, and chairs.

Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
A: Whoa, um...a towel(I know it's not usually clothing, but it is when you can't find your own clothes on their floor and you need to go to the bathroom).

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
A: facebook, livejournal, adultswim, myspace(duh), chicagotribune, smut-house.com, etc.

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
A: I'm a guy.

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
A: My back.

Q: What city was your last taxicab ride in?
A: Wooster....actually.

Yeah, so...
What's new?
Happy-Belated Halloween everyone.
On that day, I was feeling as if I was going to snap off and backhand the Walgreen's clerk in the face for saying..."We're closed" as she called me over to her register, but then I noticed she had on that "Heyyyyyyyy, I'm flirting with you" smile on her face. So, I let it slide, she was cute, too. But, right after I got my graham crackers, I was back to feeling liek murdering the world. As I walked out of the store, it was all quiet and ghost-town-esque in my area of Hyde Park. All of a sudden, I turned a corner to see a 5 year old black Spider-man, equipped with the muscle-bound padded outfit and mask, and then I turned tos ee a 6 year old blonde Batman. It was awesome, all the miniature superheroes were out in full effect. It was awesome, it totally made me change my mmind about chopping off someone's hand and using it for my nightly festivities to my hidden porn on my computer. But that's neither here nor there. Not too much is going on here with me in the Chi, just chillin', workin', classin', sleeping. And if you know me well enough, you'll know that this is the time of the year that I'm actually tired and ready to go to sleep for the nigth around 10:30 every night. I don't know what it is, but I've been just randomly falling asleep at these times. It's not like I'm working out every day, or getting ass every other day, it's just that I'm tired as fuck around 10:30, and I fall asleep and wake up at 3:30AM!!!
I don't know, maybe I need tos tart working out every day, and getting ass every other night, who knows? Maybe that'll balance it out? A healthy diet of exercise and ass, hmm...I should write a book to explore these theories.

In other news, I scratched my butt in the plain view of the public today, and I don't mean a little one-finger scratch. I mean a full-clutch deep-tissue ravaging finger-to-flesh drag across my butt. I mean, it's as if I was at home watching Independence Day on TNT and I just finished my Flamin' Hots, so I wanted to get up and get another bag but wait! My ass is itching, so I scratched it. Only problem was, I was in public, waiting on a train...with people standing around me...
So, yeah. I just played the role of the village idiot...in Chicago.

There's this movie..."Assault on Precinct 13," that surprised me with a rather funny quote that I hadn't heard before.
John Leguizamo's playing a junkie that's trying to get a job from Lawrence Fishbourne's(Bishop) crime syndicate, Fishbourne's the man, and Johnny's trying to get on his good side, basically.

JL: Hey Bish, there's a latino guy, a latino guy and a black guy, and they're both in a car. Who's driving?

LF: The Cops.

JL: Aw, you, you kinda killed that one for me. But hey, that's funny, right?

I really feel like starting some shit.
I don't know what the topic of said shit should or would be, but I want it to be big and long-lasting.
Like one of those uber-phallus-having porn stars I keep hearing so much about.
Other than that, things are boring, I guess it's the lack of a Chicago-styled social life that's bugging me so much, and since I'm not the "Hey, how are you? Wanna be my friend?" type, I don't think that's going to change any time soon.

I've hit the wall marked, "Reality Check." I've become thorougly disgusted with the majority of my own ethnicity, or race, if you will. I never thought it'd happen, but KABOOM! It's here.

We let pride guide us through some of the most idiotic notions and procedures available to mankind. Boost Mobile's "Where U At?" campaign, for instance, that's a fucking disgrace. The very first commercials were of old white men and women dressed in "urban wear(hooded sweaters, baggy clothes, baseball caps turned sideways, etc)" and they were speaking broken English/sub-standard English throughout the entire commercial(Notice that I did not use the word ebonics, because that word is assuming that only people of Africa descent that live in America speak VERY POOR ENGLISH, and as we ALL know, this is not the case). Anyways, there were old white folks ,dressed as gang-bangers, etch, and they blasted hip-hop music throughout the commercial. Think about it, they were trying to make fun of older white people to young black people to sell their products, it's the perfect marketing strategy. "We're making fun of you through other means, so go ahead and prove us right by buying our products."
So, All of those commercials are set up to make fun of the ignorant niggas to OTHER communities, because I gaurantee you there's a white family somewhere that watches that commercial and goes..."Yep, that's how those young niggers act." And they laugh because they see older people of their race watching it. How ironic. Young black people are laughing at it because they're thinking that older white people are trying to be black, so they buy the phones and still say "Where U At?" like morons. While, on the other hand, white people are laughing at it and are going, "Yep, look at ma and pa acting black, they're so funny, but we're not gonna buy Boost Mobile because that's for black people, look at the commercial." However, we still go out and buy our cell phones with the dumb assed "chirp" function and act as hard as we want to as we find out where are "peeps is at."

Do we not make sense of how stupid they are making us out to be?
Way to go, darkies, I'm starting to lose respect for the majority of you.
If that defines me as being stuck up, so be it. I'll be stuck up for hating the ignorant niggers of my race, I don't give a fuck any more. I'm tired of trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, I'm tired of trying to figure out why I shouldn't judge you this way because of the fact that I don't know what you've been through, fucking prove it to me, then, dumb fucks.
Fuck y'all.
Out.

Yeah, this is a little bit too surreal for me to handle right now. I don't know what the fuck to do, because I know if I say something, the whole interaction is going to definitely fall apart(don't question me on this, I know).

1-I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a '64 Impala.

Life would be so much easier if I were 6'9".
Bad day at work, Brad? Naw, I'm 6'9" and everything is in proportion.
Lady problems, Brad? Naw, I'm 6'9" and everyting is in proportion.
Racism fucking with you, Brad? Naw, I'm 6'9" with a very long wingspan.
Can you see the movie with all those people sitting in front of you, Brad? I'm fine, I'm 6'9" duh, they're small.
Um, what else...?

Hmpf.
Yeah, I don't think I want to be a night person any more.
Don't ask me why. It's not just one or two things, it's not just one long story or two long stories. It's just, being a night person isn't the way for me any more, I guess.
Don't get me started, so I'm going to stop now.

So, here I am. Skipping one class today because I got ALL THE FUCKING WAY to the school only to realize I forgot my homework assignments for my 6pm class tonight. So, I just got super frustrated and just came back home, and here I am.
This would be the 50th time I said "I quit" so I'm not going to say it right now, I'm just gonna zone my mind out and just move by body around, I am officially going into marionnette mode. I don't give a fuck any more, I'm already falling far behind in all of my classes, so fuck it. What have I been doing all of this work for? I haven't and probably will not see any reward at the end of this shit, so why do it in the first place?
Success isn't for everyone, is it? I'm starting to think it isn't, especially with MY work ethic and lack of determination, fuck this.

Yeah, I'm not even going to bother posting about how I feel, but this is as close as I'm going to get.
I'm exhausted.

1. FIRST NAME: Bradley

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nah, I got my middle name(Darnell) from my Dad, though. My name is usually a last name.

3. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? I'm 21...

4. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE? My right middle finger, cause it's awesome.

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Um...it's between corned beef and BEEF balogna.

8. ANY BAD HABITS? Masturbation...it's a shame, really.

10. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yeah, if I could bum money off of myself.

11. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL? I don't bitch out on dares(the ones that I like, anyways).

13. DO LOOKS MATTER? Not when you're doing it doggystyle.

14. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? I tend to break things, or go for walks that include me talking to myself, using LOTS of profanity.

15. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Don't think I have one now...

16. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? Nope, if I trust you, feel honored, trust me(haha).

18. WHAT CLASS IN SCHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? The one where I'm sitting in the class and falling asleep.

20. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Right, a guy like me using sarcasm like that to do stuff...p'shaw...

21. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Well, in hip-hop it's "slam dancin',"
and yes. 'Twas fun until someone almost punched me(They thought I was in a rival gang, good thing I saw it coming and dodge the blow to my face, woohoo! I'm still pretty!).

24. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Only if it ended with me landing penis-first in a pile of naked women.

25. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nah, slip-on, slip-off.

27. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Um...dunno, Mint Chocolate Chip?

28. SHOE SIZE? Well, today I couldn't fit a pair of 11s or 12s, so I guess 13.
29. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? black, green, red, blue, and Caramel...mmmm.

30. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? Um, dunno.

31. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? Oh, they know.
32. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE WHO READS THIS TO FILL IT OUT AND POST IT? Sure, why not, I really care.

33. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Nothing.

34. LAST THING YOU ATE? Poke Chops, son!

35. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? "Welcome to Sprint."

36. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? Whether or not I'd like to see the backs of their heads.

37. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON FROM WHOSE LJ YOU STOLE THIS? Oh, she's one of my favorite midgets on Earth!

40. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Haven't picked one yet, but I'm quite fond of the one with the alcohol in it.

41. FAVORITE SPORTS? Competitive breathing, and The Lumberjack thing...

42. HAIR COLOR? Black.

43. EYE COLOR? Brown.

45. SIBLINGS? Half-bro, half-sis.

46. FAVORITE MONTH? May.

47. FAVORITE FOOD? Dunno.

49. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? New Years Eve.

51. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Scary movies.

52. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summah.

53. HUGS OR KISSES? May I have kisses IN hugs, with a lime twist and a candy cane, please?

55. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Joe Mama.

57. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Right, uh-huh, that's what I heard.

59. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Monopoly.

60. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Flavor Of Love.

61. FAVORITE SMELLS? Ooh, um...where to begin...anything with a fruit scent in a perfume...rawr.

63. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP? "Fuck, I'm still alive."

64. SAY ONE THING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON FROM WHOSE LJ YOU STOLE THIS: I SAID, "She's my favorite midget on Earth!" Isn't that enough?

SO, what's new?
Um, my mom gave the "Okay" for me to visit Wooster(problem free, I hope).
My mom's boyfriend, Mike(cool guy, no beef with him) wants to take the three of us to Vegas for Thanksgiving, I'd rather not go, but whatever. Apparently my mom's fixed on "Yes, we're going to Vegas," and I'm like..."I don't know, I guess so. You two could go, but I'd rather not."
I haven't earned it, I'm not in a good standing at school, and I STILL haven't done the soulsearching necessary to decide what path I'm willing to take in my life.What the fuck, man. I mean, here I am, I skipped work AND school today, just for the fuck of it. It's 8:30pm and I've got class in the morning and I haven't done ANY homework, how noble is that?

Why didn't I ever realize that I could catch the Amtrak to Ohio?
It's like $55 a pop to get to the station. But the station is in Cleveland, now to find someone willin' to take that ride to get me...

Yeah, so my dad called today to tell me that I passed the Firefighter's Exam. "Duh," was my reply. I knew I was going to pass that, but I still got beat out like 17,000 other people that took the test. Either way, my next steps are to see if I can pass a drug test, physical inspection, background check, and something else, I can't remember. Either way, I'm only one step closer to possibly being a firefighter. Cool, eh?

Yeah, so...what's been up?
Nothing at all here, working, classing, work, work, class.
Anything else productive? Hell, no. Zero social life, and I'm feeling even more and more prone to just shutting everyone off at the same time, like a big electrical switch. I'm like the black version of an Emo kid, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I need an outlet and my desire to write is diminishing by the day. I'm fucked, I don't even feel like writing this entry right now.

Yeah, so...another person told me today..."You should smile," to which I replied, "I do." She said then, "It doesn't look like it." If you don't already know how much that conversation pisses me off, you're missing out on my usual rage and wrath. This phrase either comes from an older woman, or a girl around my age, and the girl usually acts like she'll be hitting on me at that point in time, and will be with her boyfriend while she does it. It's annoying, stop. Don't fucking tell me to smile, especially if I'm minding my own fucking biz. Aight?
So, a social life isn't something I really care for or have right now, and guess what? I'm fine with that, I understand not everyone can be Mr. or Mrs. Popular, nor do I have the time or patience to try. I mean, I don't ever have any problems with meeting people and hanging with them, but that hasn't ever happened, so...why should I just decide all of a sudden to go around and socialize with people and make them my "friends."(None of which reside in Chicago, and there are so few of them.)
Trust me, if you're a friend of mind, or even a casual friend, you know it.
Anyways, I'm feeling pretty bad right now, so I'll get a y'all later.